Jennifer in Luxembourg

A recent flight delay had me feeling huffy. A friend suggested I grab a coffee and watch the planes, his not-so-subtle way of telling me to chill out. I responded that I was at London City, where they don't give you the gates until the last minute and most areas don't have views of the plane.  Today I'm sitting in Frankfurt, for once. Typically I only run through there but today I have a few minutes. So I grabbed a coke zero and some hydrating vegetable soup and I'm watching the planes. And suddenly I was transported to being a small kid. I vividly remember dropping my dad at the airport a few different times. We all went as a family to the gate, as this was pre 9-11. I remember pressing my nose to the glass and waving, watching him walk the jetty. He'd turn and wave at some point. Then mom would let us watch the aircraft taxi away and we would stay until it was a tiny speck in the sky before we would leave.  I think that was the most impactful change post 9-11. Air...

The windows here in Europe open differently than the USA. If you turn the handle one way, you can tilt it open. If you keep turning it, most swing wide open, sans screens. I always remember the Disney movies- how princesses lean out the screenless windows to call to the birds or the people below. And now- I feel like that princess. I love leaning out my windows to see the beautiful forest in the back or the people on the street in the front. It’s my Disney princess era after all! I always remember the quote, about falling and flying, and I repeat it to myself often here. But recently, I wanted to share it with a friend and found the larger portion of it, and it is truly beautiful. “There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?” Falling is terrifying, and I feel the fear of falling so often, and so heavily. But on so many days- I feel the power of flight. I’m flying. Personally and pro...

I just landed in Lux. It is home. But last night, sitting in a pub in a London suburb also felt like home. The song lyric "home is whenever I'm with you" popped into my head. And honestly- it's so accurate.  These past few days reminded me of the comfort of community. Knowing I was expected every day, and that someone was looking out for me. It annoyed me that R, who I've only actually been with for seven-ish full days total in person prior to this week, was so good at reading me. He saw my stress in a way most do not, and more surprisingly asked me about it each time. He had my back. This was a very important event and I felt myself calm down knowing he wasn't someone I had to worry about (part of the reason I invited him). He looked out for me more than professionally- he made sure I got fed and also took care of myself and kindly let me know when the lipstick stained my teeth.  I got to be myself. I wanted the confidence my straight hair brings, and I l...

I’m finally sitting down to type. I’ve been avoiding this, because I’ve needed to write and express the feelings welling up inside me, but I haven’t wanted to. I don’t always share what I write, and I don’t know if I'll share this. But writing has long been a therapeutic life force, allowing the emotions to come out. Last night, I texted a friend that I was on the bus hoping to cry, because I couldn’t cry at home. That’s been my rule. No tears allowed in my house. It’s my safe place, and my haven. It will not be a place of weakness. And so I cry in church, and in other people’s houses, or on the bus. But never in my house. I walked in and squared my shoulders, my resolve and strength summoned on the threshold. It's hard being alone. I’m perfectly capable, and if the last few years have taught me anything, I can thrive on my own. But it’s tiring. Tiring to try to flip the bloody table by myself. Tiring to slog through the groceries alone. Tiring to try to figure out appointm...

The Schueberfouer has opened, not too far from my house. Signs for it are spread across the city, and my daily walk home has me pass by the construction site. The lights and sounds are dazzling on the evening commutes. And on Tuesday, I finally got to go!  The "Schubi" is Luxembourg’s largest fun faire, and Europe's longest running (since 1340!). Everyone here is so excited about it, and people come from all over Luxembourg to participate.  I finally made it out on Tuesday. A colleague and I walked through it briefly, before I went to a friend’s to drop my bag and walk it out properly. W and I came in through the entrance closest to our house and spent about 2.5 hours doing a figure eight through the complex. There's a giant Ferris wheel that looks beautiful against the blue skies, but also adorable against the lights at night. The tallest ride is the flying swings, said to be the "best view in Luxembourg" from the internet. There's a few...

Some weekends are hard, and some are wonderful. This weekend was full. Friday began with a busy workday. Even though my boss encouraged me to begin my weekend early, the volume of work didn’t permit me. I wanted to make cookies for an evening event but lacked the chocolate chips. I walked to a nearby grocery, but sadly they were closed for their summer break. I grabbed a few bags of chips instead, along with some baking chocolate bars on my way to the event. The evening was a girls night hosted by a new friend who lives close by. It was lovely to spend the evening with so many of the wonderful young women I’ve met through church and spend the evening with wonderful food and company. I walked a good portion of the way home quite late with A, who lives close by and is a gorgeous and brilliant woman and an inspiration to me. Saturday morning started with a bit of an emergency- I finally did what I've been terrified off- locking myself out of the house. Luckily, I had met my wonderfu...

I am a planner. I have to be here with weird bus schedules and meetings and no car. But these plans keep getting thwarted. Last week, all the early morning plans I made and kept to switch my license, only to not get it.  This week... two early morning French classes before meeting my grandparents meant I only had one day to pick up all my birthday packages. Two were from the post office, and one is UPS. I'm grateful for the thought of the senders, but the customs meant I had to go pay and pick them up. Though to be honest, sometimes I have to pick up Amazon from here as well. I had a 9AM meeting, so accounting for transit I got up early and made it there by 8AM when they open. Everything was smooth until I needed to pay. The card reader didn't accept any of my four different cards, despite having been accepted at this location in the past. We tried splitting the amount as sometimes you can't pay over 50€ in a single transaction, but it still wouldn't work. The lady he...

“You’re my favorite relative” my 11yr old companion chirped. "I’m not related to you," I responded. Confusion flooded her face as she thought through how everyone in our large party was related biologically. Except me. Family isn’t blood I told her, firmly believing it with every fiber of my being.  This weekend was spent with my grandparents, and it was glorious. They are not biologically related, but they have stood in the spot of grandparents since the day I was born. Emotionally, physically, spiritually: they've been there. From birthdays to graduations, boy troubles to heartbreak, cancer and more, they have loved and cared for us like their own.  So, I was incredibly pleased when I found out they were coming on their first European adventure, and I was invited to join! I took the train after work to Belgium, where Grandpa and his nephew picked me up to go back to the Airbnb. It was a lovely large house, complete with alpacas in the backyard to feed! Plus the weather ...