Today in my mailbox

I’ve had a rather unexpected spot of homesickness recently. I’m not sure if it’s the post-family post-event blues, the upcoming Thanksgiving holidays, or just missing the stunning New England fall and crips weather and walking around in jeans and flannels and tall boots. Regardless, I’ve found myself unlocking my mailbox daily before I enter my building. I’m the type that is typically lucky to unlock it once a week, as I normally get nothing but bills and junk mail. So every day, it’s been a roller coaster of emotion as I unlock it, see the existing junk mail I can’t be bothered to throw away yet, and lock it back, as I prepare to sadly enter my quiet apartment alone.

Today, I got home earlier than usual, but also in a bit of a different mind-set. I’d just said goodbye to a friend/colleague (separate post), and I always get the post-visitor sadness after. I almost didn’t unlock the mail box, but as I had to put my heavy bags down to unlock the door anyhow, I went for it. And to my happy surprise, there were not one, not two, but THREE pieces of mail! There were two large packages- the medical files from my oncology unit. I’m going to the cardiologist for the first time in Luxembourg in two days, and had requested my oncology files. I had been warned they were massive, but the weight of them was astounding, especially as these were the files strictly from the oncology department, and not related to any of the other specialties. It was a heavy thought, realizing these were the files that summarized a pivotal moment that forever changed my life. And necessitated me taking time out of my schedule for numerous doctor appointments. But it was also a connection to home. There are three phone numbers I know confidently by memory. My mom and dad. And oncology. I can tell you that phone number in my sleep, and I have dialed it from memory way too many times. And while it’s a reminder of one of the worst possible things in my life, it’s also a reminder of the most incredible medical professionals I’ve ever met, and a subset of humanity so completely overflowing with kindness and love. And I could tell the kindness and care taken to package those files, and send them overseas, incredibly fast after my request. I opened the package, removed the papers, and then, because I have the rule that I can’t cry in my house, I had to put them aside as the emotions pommeled me.

Luckily, the third envelope bore the familiar handwriting of my mother. I received the first letter from my prolific writer mother just a few months ago, so seeing this second mailing made my spirits soar. And luckily, it was fat, meaning there were multiple pieces of paper with her gorgeous scripting on it.

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Post reading the letter: the main card specifically called out her hope that I’d receive it on a hard day, and that was accomplished 😊 The secondary one spoke so much life and hope into a heavy week. Every time I have the pity party of being alone, I’m reminded I’m not.