Thanksgiving Thoughts.

A collection of thoughts, beginning last weekend on the Thanksgiving week festivities. 

This weekend I began prepping for thanksgiving. I always dreamed of hosting Thanksgiving in my house. Planning the menu, shopping, cooking, decorating and welcoming a houseful. This dream always included at least some of my family though reality will not. 

Every year my dad consults on the menu with me as he scribbles it on an index card. The back will contain some of the specialty ingredients I ask for like Karo dark corn syrup or canned fruit cocktail. Yesterday, I sat quietly at my desk listing out the menu in silence before the ingredients on the opposite side. 

I often listen to books or talk on the phone while cooking, but yesterday I cut a giant loaf of break, 4 buns and a few slices into cubes for stuffing in silence. The silence was deafening. I recall baking pies with David sharing an AirPod so we could listen to the same playlist. My dad always blares music while he cooks. There is life and energy and community in cooking. My silent kitchen seems a sad start to the holiday cooking.  

There are the complications of no car and different ingredients. Every time I go to the grocery I try to pick up some ingredients. A few carrots here, bread there, pie crusts today, apples tomorrow. There is some creativity involved as I navigate if I actually bought pie crusts and how will the green bean casserole work with cream of mushroom powdered mix. Sunday evening I filled my backpack with sweet potatoes, apples, and canned green beans. It was a staggering weight, but I managed it home. 

We will figure out getting a turkey and utilizing the tiny fridge space and minimal counter space. Currently the carrots and onions share a shelf, the apples and sweet potatoes a tray by the door, and the drying bread the entry counter. 

But on Saturday there will be food and friends. No more than 10 to be exact, as that's how many chairs I have. I realized with a start that I only had 9 dinner plates, so a shopping trip added two more to my assorted collection. 

And hopefully the hollow sadness I feel today will be filled. 

-------

Today I went to buy a turkey. The price was insane. It was what I would pay in the USA, but for a turkey double the size. Luckily they weren't frozen. I debated whether to buy it, and checked the chickens and ducks nearby, but the turkeys were actually the best price. The pork chops were actually a euro cheaper per pound, but I was too sad about Thanksgiving to compromise without the beloved bird. 

--------

Wednesday night: I got home from small group and the heaviness extra hit. Wednesday in the USA are usually dedicated to baking pies and cookies until late with the siblings. Instead my house was silent and non-bakingy. Luckily a friend started messaging, and I had a nice chat on Thanksgiving food and sides and other things which greatly comforted me to fall asleep. 

--------

Thursday morning: the sun was shining and it wasn't raining! A colleague wished me a Happy Thanksgiving and we got to talk about how it was a day of gratitude. I wrote a lot more about the actual Thanksgiving day in a different post, so I'll begin on Friday. 

Friday I made fresh cranberry sauce before heading to the office. I grabbed cauliflower and what I hoped was brown sugar on the way home. I stopped by a friend's house, as they had graciously offered to loan me a table. Their large table was one of the common plastic fold-away tables, that had an extra fold into a square with a carrying handle. My plan was their smaller (think patio size) table, but at the last minute I requested the larger one. Luckily their house is only a few minutes walk from a bus stop, so I staggered there before boarding a crowded bus with the high school lunch crowd. At the end of the line, I ended up carrying the table the entire block home, but I was so proud of myself for doing so. Once home, I whipped up chocolate chip and cranberry chocolate chip cookie dough, peeled my pie apples, roasted my cauliflower and seasoned and dry brined my turkey. Luckily the cold temperatures allowed me to use the porch as an extra fridge space for the weekend. I cleaned the house in the late afternoon, and rested a bit before starting the evening prep. My mom and Ruth called, and it was nice to have some company. I made the roasted cauliflower au gratin, two apple and a pumpkin pie on the call before bed. I also set up the table and counted on the tableware. 

Before bed, I made our traditional family ambrosia fruit salad, with strawberry jello. Unlike at home, I had frozen raspberries instead of strawberries which were simply divine. The next morning, however, I was shocked to find that the salad was a bit purplish grey, not the lovely pink color I expected. The side effects of not having Red 40 added to your jello powder! 

Saturday morning, I woke up unable to move my arms and in intense pain. I was confused why that particular part of my arms hurt so badly, and realized it was the after effects of carrying the table home! Eventually, I somehow managed it out of bed, determined to finish the to-do list for the day. I finished setting the table with my very mismatched assortment of dishes and silverware. My finely laid plans on oven time were completely thwarted when I realized I had only one oven rack to cook everything on! Somehow we managed to make the stuffing, green bean casserole, a corn pudding and roast the brussels sprouts and sweet potatoes in their turns. After the turkey came out, carrots, cauliflower, and the other dishes went in for their final heating. I also made mashed potatoes, but this was the first time I was using my stand mixer and it took me too long to figure out. As a result, the potatoes were cold by the time I was ready to beat them. 

A canceled dinner engagement a few weeks ago meant I had piles of mascarpone cheese in my house (I was going to make tiramisu, plus it's so cheap here!). So the corn pudding, potatoes, and cauliflower and even the pumpkin pie all got a generous helping of mascarpone to help with the creaminess. It worked out well, because I had to use the cream I was saving for those dishes in my pumpkin pie (though since I was a tiny bit short mascarpone made up the difference) to substitute for evaporated milk. 

The turkey came out beautifully.  I basted it with some leftover pickle juice, and I received so many compliments on the bird. I was shocked how much people kept eating, and was happily surprised to have very minimal leftovers of it. 

I sent out an Evite for the dinner, and my reminder email stated my buzzer name, the floor of my apartment, and that there would be a gold balloon on the door. I was uncertain the exact time of dinner, so I whipped up a prosciutto appetizer. I don't like prosciutto cold, but I was inspired by IG to try filling a bit of goat cheese and fig into them, before popping them into the oven. I made a bit of hot honey to drizzle over the rolls and they were divine. 

The dinner was well received. It took a minute to get started as people awkwardly stood around, but when we finally sat down and the food worked its way in, words began to come out. Represented around the table was Brazil, Canada, Moldova, Kazakhstan, Greece, France, and even a Luxembourger! I shared family traditions through the meal and evening, including a retelling of the Thanksgiving story and a round of what are you thankful for. 

After dinner, we dug into the pies, my three plus a divine pecan pie from a colleague, along with coffees and teas. Like my parent's house, I had a stack of takeaway boxes that some utilized. A few of us played Sushi Go, and two built a Lego poinsettia as well. Slowly, the people started to trickle out as some had busses to catch. Some helped clean the table, and some just wanted to hang out. The last guests made their way home at 1030, after the dishwasher was full, and no other cleaning could be accomplished quite yet. 

I was exhausted, and my arms and legs hurt something awful, but my heart was full. Thanksgiving had been accomplished, and it was the closure I needed for this year. I lay on the couch for a bit, contemplatively. Sometime after midnight, the dishwasher finished, and I was able to fit in all the pans and other dishes for a 2nd load. 

The celebration spilled over into Sunday. Three friends from church joined for the leftovers, and conversation as we lingered over the pie with cups of tea.  I'm very grateful for all the wonderful people in my life in Luxembourg, and overwhelmed by the community present in my life. Between work, church, and other groups, I'm feeling settled and have found a tribe here.