One friend, two friend, Old friends, new friends

* from when I first moved to Luxembourg *

Friends are a funny thing. You always feel so close and deep in the moment, but the reality is tested once you are far apart. Who is going to show up for you. Mail you things, text you, check in? Who is going to share their strength and courage when you have none? Who is going to continue to drain from you, without any thought to refill you?

It’s always surprising the friends you loose, the ones who can’t be trusted to make the effort for you. Because it’s never who you’d expect. The kindred sprits you once fellowshipped with toss you aside, when you’re not there in person. Maybe the used me for my generous spirit- Jen always had food and shelter. Perhaps they tossed me when they realized I would no longer sit idly by while they perched atop their morality, mocking at my loved ones. Perhaps I just get pushed into a cobwebbed corner of their brain once I'm not in their daily life. 

I get it. Out of sight, out of mind. 

And the unexpected ones rise up: the colleagues who make sure to text you regularly and encourage you. The students who check-in with you. The friends who call and text and snap chat at all hours. The students who send you pictures of their adventures, and videos of how to work the towel drying rack. The student who you send a picture of some random meat purchase so he can translate the French. The student who sees your name on an email and messages you their congratulations and support. 

The random times in the middle of Candy Crush when my whatsapp video call rings, and the heart warming conversations that happen as I'm brushing my teeth for bed (Jackie and Heidi, calling y'all out because I can). 

Yesterday a student Teams messaged me a virtual hug GIF. This morning my technology startled me alert as a colleague from Australia Teams called me- just to say hi and check in, despite it being her Friday evening. 

The friends that have surrounded and supported me are numerous. A beautiful letter from a cancer friend. IG reels from people all over. A French student who regularly messages me "How are you" along with the latest on IG to put a smile on my face. Another French student who drove into the Luxembourg office to meet me and spend the day. A German student who came up for the weekend. A Canadian who messaged how different the class was without me. 

It's the small things that mean the most though. The old man in my building that patiently held the door as I struggled with a ton of things in the pouring rain. He always greets me in French, and I smilingly nod along. The new friend at church, who spent her Sunday with me, not just getting lunch, but driving me with the intent to show me as much of Luxembourg as possible. And the same friend who I called to rescue me when I forgot both sets of keys at a far off location after community group. A new friend, who I ran into while walking to said community group, and who shared the bus ride almost all the way home. 

There is the pain of loosing friends from the past. I always wonder if I'm good enough, or did something wrong. But the beauty of life is the new people who enrich today. 

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The above has been written over various months since living here. I haven't published it, until today. Last weekend, I was in Paris, with a friend from Luxembourg and a French student now friend. It was wonderful to sit in his office and talk about life. This week, I had meetings in Amsterdam, partially organized by my closest Ams friend and colleague. I had a travel hiccup, and texted a good friend/colleague, just as a matter of complaining. However, within minutes she had me all sorted and en route to my destination, with minimal hassle to me and an inordinate amount of communication on her end. Once I finally got to my destination, I joined an event for the office. One of my students shook hands in a circle, and his surprised face when he got to me was wonderful. Another student I knew would be shocked, and it took everything in his power to maintain his current conversation after he saw me, until he came bounding over. I sat at dinner, and was overwhelmed at the company: four students from my very last class, one student from my very first in-person class, and a new engineer said student had mentored. It felt so full circle, even as I saw others surprised at the company I choose to sit with. I heard surprised comments when I dragged my table over to the photo booth, but I didn't care. 

Friends are the people who celebrate and support you. It doesn't matter what country they come from, or how you met them. The people who don't forget about you are the ones worth keeping. Grateful for my friends here, and hoping that I am a good friend to those who meet me as well.