Chronic Illness Flares

Where to begin. The trip to Madrid, the conference, the aftermath? It has been an insane several days and most not fun. But today is about sharing the stupid world of life with chronic illness, and how it can disrupt your life.

Friday, I flew to Madrid, via Munich. On the flight from Munich, I know something was wrong in my body. I consider myself very in-tune with my innards. Not in-tune enough to know how to fix it, but in-tune enough to know when shit gonna go down. I could feel inflammation happening, and something chronic illness-y churning away. But as I was powerless to stop it, I soldiered on. I hadn’t eaten in way too long, so had a splitting headache. A cappuccino and cake later though took care of the headache. Friday afternoon I rested in my AirBNB and also at my kind hosts’ home as well. It was a calm evening with nothing out of the ordinary strenuous, though I was extra exhausted. That night, the full brunt of whatever it was hit in all its fury, with chills and hot flashes. Sometime early in the morning I finally felt relief and got some good sleep.

Saturday was a chill day with some activities, but nothing out of the ordinary.  I found myself in extreme body pain, despite doing activities I often do, and knew my body was still fighting significant inflammation. As always when I travel, I bought ginger and juice shots to boost my immunity and body.

Sunday morning, I couldn’t manage an appetite for breakfast, despite a gorgeous spread. As I love to eat, a loss of appetite is normally a pretty big red flag for me.  I headed to the local Spanish pharmacy for a general Dayquil type med and muscle rub as I wanted to head off getting worse. Sunday afternoon I ate my final full meal for the next several days.

While I went to bed on-time, I wasn’t able to sleep until almost 3AM. The chronic pain, inflammation, and my mind running 100 miles a minute didn’t make it easy! I was on the 7AM shuttle with my morning cough and juice shot. The truck ventilation had some issues, so the warm dry air irritated my lungs further. Add to the fact that you’re almost non-stop talking, and it made for a very dry mouth. I eagerly got food for lunch but could barely eat it. My intense dry mouth manifested itself into burning mouth syndrome, where eating any food felt like daggers. Two bites were about all I could manage. That evening, I eagerly ordered dinner as I was quite hungry, only to once again have the food rip apart at my mouth. The tiredness and body pain didn’t allow my brain to compute that these were signs of a bigger problem!

Tuesday morning, I once again was on the shuttle with my cough and juice. I purposefully asked my team to cover for me so I wouldn’t have to speak as much, but there are always people who come to find you specifically 😊 I had bought cough drops at the Spanish pharmacy, but they seemed to completely dry out my mouth. Perhaps I was allergic to an ingredient? I asked my truck manager for Halls brand cough drops and he obliged me two packs. Once again, the blue version tore up my mouth and sucked it dry, though the yellow ones seemed tolerable. Once again I couldn’t manage lunch, but happily drank an iced coffee my boss procured for me. For dinner, I had a bite of a burrata, and some consommé, as anything else seemed torturous to attempt to eat.

Wednesday morning, I had originally intended to share a cab to the airport with my boss, as we were on the same flight. However, as I had checked bags and he didn’t, he elected to workout and join later. It was an unexpected disappointment as it meant I navigated almost a 100 lbs. of luggage by myself. Nonetheless, I managed, just as I managed the transfer at JFK. It was on the flight when I tried to eat a bite of mashed potatoes that I realized just how little I had eaten in the last few days, and how sick I must be. Luckily, my dad had a flight landing around mine, so he was able to help me with the bags in Cleveland.

Landing in Cleveland, it took a few days to actually be able to sit-up and do activities again. I had to build back my hydration (always a struggle after a flight) and my caloric intake. It meant I couldn’t coordinate or attend the wedding I had come here for or attend some of the other events on my list.

But I’m very proud of my body. I’m proud of it for carrying me through the  streets of Madrid. I’m proud of it for carrying me through the myriads of issues at the conference, and for the long days at the conference as well. I’m proud of it if for making it on a cross-Atlantic flight. I'm proud of it for keeping me upright despite the extreme pain and fatigue. 

Chronic illness is a beast, and while it has flared many times in the past, it hasn’t had quite this many negative factors added to it. Here’s to hoping it’s a while before we have to deal with it again!