Six months thoughts

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* written yesterday morning*

I’m sitting in the town hall alone, waiting for my ticket number to be called. Tomorrow is six months in Luxembourg. My rule to never cry at my house still stands firm. But apparently that means ugly crying on the sidewalk in the central square instead. It’s only 8:19 but today feels so long. 

I went to exchange my drivers license. Over the last few weeks I’ve been painstakingly checking off the items on the list it said to bring. Police clearances, scans of IDs and old cards. And yesterday morning I got up extra early, travelled 30 min in the opposite direction from work to go to the grocery store and get an ID photo printed so everything would be perfect. Yesterday I double checked the list on the website and made sure to put all the papers into my backpack. Another early morning today to ensure I could find the place, be on time, and make it to work on time for meetings. 

Only to be told I was missing a USA police form and needed to get a report from a doctor as well. None of which was clear on the website. The info felt like a gut punch. This means clearing even more time in my schedule to find a doctor and go see them. I’ve already seen a doctor for my residency card but apparently that won’t do. I have so many doctors I have to see, and the thought of spending several hours in transit and waiting to see another seems daunting. I’m really tired right now. Six months was supposed to feel celebratory, not like my world is weighing so heavily on me my knees will buckle. I managed to make it out of the office before the sobs came tearing out. 

I’m upset enough I decided to go hit the address change as well. I don’t even know what I need to bring, but since the info online is never clear I’m just waiting here now. My medical card has not been sent to me, and so last week I got up super early and went to the national medical service to sort those problems out only to find out the online address change I did us not gone through. So here we sit. 

Wishing for some support or at least a hug. My backpack feels like it contains bricks and my heart feels like it’s filled with lead. I steel myself against crying inside city hall, but I’m not certain if I will be entirely successful. This isn’t the part that social media shows. The bureaucracy. The long waiting times alone. Waking up extra early to catch the right busses and trains to make these appointments. Today kinda sucks. 

*today morning*

Yesterday I got ice cream with my work girl gang. It lifted my spirits a bit, but it was still a heavy day. My small group had a birthday surprise for me, in the form of Oreo cake, an Oreo gift and several pairs of beautiful earrings. It was lovely to feel included and celebrated and get a ride home. Today is a new day, and I was reminded that it is up to me to write the destiny of the day. And so we soldier on, working to do my best and make the best of this beautiful life I've been given. 

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