Missing Home (from my first month in Luxembourg)

What a day. You know the song, only hate the road when you’re missing home… it lists so many things that talk about the ache after something wonderful happens. 

And that is today. The past two days have been the happiest since I came to Luxembourg. Don’t get me wrong, life hasn’t been terrible, but it has been intense and heavy. And these last two days I’ve been with my family. The woman who came to look for houses with me in Norwood, the guy who hosted me in his house and who took me with his wife and friends to show me their favorite parts of Germany, one of my first students who met up with me in London to dance the night away, and a guy who’s become a sounding board in my life decisions and dilemmas. 

There’s a weight I carry being alone. The weight of responsibilities like paying the bills and figuring out everything myself. But also a medical weight- what happens if my blood sugar plummets, or I break an ankle, or anything else and don’t have my phone in reach or my wits about me. One of the hardest things when I first moved to Boston was knowing no one would miss me. If I didn’t’ show up online for class, someone would assume I had COVID or my internet went out. Once I moved into in-person work, it was nice to know that if I wasn’t there by 8AM, all my colleagues would be checking-in on me. 

I’m in that same space now. My boss is 6 hours behind me time wise. I have random, scattered meetings on my calendars with so many different groups that don’t touch each other. My Luxembourg colleagues don’t yet know my schedule and rhythms to know if they should expect me at my desk. It’s a weird thought to think that it may be days before anyone would notice my absence. 

Being with my colleagues this morning, there was a sense of safety. One, I was expected in the lobby at 8:30 every morning. Two, I knew if I needed anything they were there. Whether it be emotional or physical support, I knew they had my back a 1000%. I went out to the bars with two of them, feeling totally safe and secure that I was good. 

There’s the added stress of being in a foreign land, where I don’t speak the language. I don’t know the expectations and customs, and can’t communicate either. It was so nice to go out with international colleagues- they arranged for condiments, and the bill, and asked the waiter for a minute for me to look at the menu, and so much more that I’ve been figuring out for myself lately. 

And so today was doomed from the start. I was determined to not feel the low, and make the best of it, so I left my house shortly after 8AM. Only for my bus to be delayed more than 6 minutes. Then the bus driver to ignore my stop request, and make up the time by flying past my stop to the end of the line. I decided to walk to work from there, rather than wait for another dubiously timed bus. The weather was beautiful, the sun shining, and my walk would take me directly across a gorgeous park. As I finished crossing the park, I saw a construction crew determinedly pull a barrier across the walkway to begin their digging work. Only a few feet separated me from the main sidewalk, but alas I had no choice but to follow their indication to go to the left. And cross the absolute entire park at a 90 degree turn to get back to the main road again. Once I disentangled myself from said park, it was a straight shot to the office, and I managed to make my original 15 minute commute more than 45 minutes.  

The evening ended better, though. I was craving some bread, but not enough to purchase it from the expensive store on the way home. I popped into my across the street 7-11 esque store, and happily found a loaf of bread. AND a number of 50% clearance food items! There was a lovely basket of “soup fixings”- assorted vegetables and fresh herbs that will be roasted together this weekend. I found a clearance marinated pork chop that was dinner, and two ground meat packages as well. This particular store carries meats that ALL have a cow, chicken, and pig on them at the top, so it’s hard for me to discern what they are. Once I arrived home, Google translate only told me the ground meat was mixed meat. The ingredients list had salt, sage, and a few other spices that leads me to believe it was sausage. However, I saw the worrying word “horse” at the top of the package. I took a deep breath, and sent a picture to my French colleague. He first declared he didn’t know what it was, then said it was a pork and beef mix based off the ingredients list. I thanked him, and told him how Google translate told me it was horse. I think he then panicked, as he asked for another picture, and then confirmed it was pork and beef. Either way, it will be cooked next week and we’ll figure it out then! 

Well, you only need the light when it’s burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low

Only hate the road when you’re missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go