Breakaway

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I got off the plane in San Diego. 6 hours cramped into a seat wasn’t fun. I slept a bit, then watched a ton of Brooklyn 99, and finally- fresh air and palm trees. I got in the Uber with a driver more talkative than I wanted him to be after today, but he was friendly so I went along with his attempts at small talk. He had a nice selection of music playing, then suddenly I was surprised to hear the calm opening of Breakaway. Breakaway was my Boston move song. A close friend at the time sent it to me as my move to Boston song, and said it reminded him of me and to take courage in my move. For weeks, I’d sit on the floor of my tiny apartment, in downtown Norwood, isolated from any signs of life around, and blast the song on repeat through my tiny Bluetooth speaker in the kitchen. I’d sing the chorus as loud as I possibly could, and for as long as possible until I’d break into sobs. It was my mantra, my challenge to myself despite the incredibly hard season of life. I’ll do what it takes, I’ll take a chance and make a change. I’d angrily pound the floor and wonder why I did it- why I ever left everything I knew and moved to Boston. 

Sitting in the Uber today, the tears came flooding back. I’ve made another change, and I’m learning to fly in a new place. This transition is much easier than the last, but it is still incredibly hard. There are still days like today, when I feel isolated and lonely and wonder what have I done. 

I’m staring in the reflection of the open balcony as I write this. I see a sail boat gliding across the bay, and I hear the sounds of the ocean through the door. I’m way out of my depth- the world’s largest insurance conference, but I’m here. 

I work for an incredible man and am looking forward to seeing him soon. One of my close coworker friends is flying in tonight. But right now… I want to go back to the life I had and envisioned for myself. I wish I was happily in a house in Ohio, married with kids. Doing all the things I thought I’d be doing at 29. I know there are many that would see me now, sitting in San Diego, living in Europe, living this glamours career travel life. But at this moment, I long for nothing more than a quiet place to call home. 

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget all the ones that I love

I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change

And breakaway


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